Part 02: Learn from Wisdom

 In Proverbs 20:29 (ESV), King Solomon wrote, "The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair."  The underlying principle is that there is a beneficial wisdom that accompanies experience, which in turn means that the younger generations are to listen to and adhere to the advice of their elders.  This is not a principle that is glorified in our society...rather, our society more closely reflects the words Agur in Proverbs 30:11-15 (NKJV), "There is a generation that curses its father, and does not bless its mother.  There is a generation that is pure in its own eyes, yet is not washed from its filthiness.  There is a generation - oh, how lofty are their eyes! And their eyelids are lifted up.  There is a generation whose teeth are like swords, and whose fangs are like knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men.  The leech has two daughters - Give and Give!" Our society perpetuates the belief that older generations are "archaic" in their beliefs, but younger generations are wise and "evolved" in their own belief systems...that older generations are racist, misogynistic, anti-progressive, and "anti-science."  As the words of Agur depict, younger generations foolishly reject the wisdom and experience of previous generations because they (the younger generation) are "pure in" their "own eyes," yet they are "not washed from" their own "filthiness."  

More often than not, younger generations reflect the attitude and approach of Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12.  Believing themselves to be wise, the foolish younger generation (along with Rehoboam) rejected the counsel of wiser, older men, and it ended up literally costing them a kingdom.  

With these brief thoughts from Scripture in mind, consider these words of counsel from older generations of Christians concerning the family and how to be truly successful parents: 

_______________________________________________________

• First: Love God
• Second: Love their Mother
• Third: Love your children 

• Pray – a lot! For you, for their mother, and for your children.

• Husbands and fathers – be a man – accept and fulfill your God given responsibilities.

• Lead – children can’t follow unless they are lead – think “shepherd”.  This is first and foremost of the father’s responsibility.

• Young parents need to decide early (before children, even before marriage) that they are going to do whatever it takes to get it done right.

• Your ultimate goal (besides education, good citizenship, healthy – spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially) is to get them back to heaven!

• Get, accept, and apply advice from godly, successful parents.  Do this consistently throughout their “home years”.  We can tend to become complacent or think we have “arrived”.

• Children don’t need money, things, fine house, the most or biggest toys – they need your love, time, personal investment in the, and guidance.

• Though I know I spent 100 or even 1,000 times more time with my children than did either my dad or mother – it is one thing I’d try harder to do more of if I could go back and do it over.

• Teach them early “no” means “no” (not even sometimes “maybe”).  It is one of the first words they can learn and it is fundamentally needful.

• Have zero toleration for defiance.  You MUST win every battle of defiance.

• Have zero toleration for lying.

• Don’t make unreasonable rules or impose unreasonable expectations – remember they are children.  Unreasonableness can be discouraging (provoke to anger) and can result in rebellion.

• Be reasonable in the number of rules you make – the number can grow slowly as they grow and you expect more from them.

• Enforce the rules that you do make (remember the ore you make the more you must remember too).

• Well loved and well trained and disciplined are happy children.

• Hug and kiss them a lot! Can’t do that too much! Children go through a stage when they don’t want that…they are too old or too big and certainly don’t want it in front of their peers.  I did this a huge amount when you all were little, but I allowed your growing to interrupt this for the above reasons.  I regret it.

• Make sure both parents are on the same page – Mom must enforce Dad’s rule and Dad must enforce Mom’s rules (if you disagree – you must still show a united front and discuss differences privately).  Children will divide and conquer.

• Don’t tolerate any disrespect – in either action, facial expression, body language, or words (sassing) towards their mother.  You may be “king” but she is “queen”.  This is especially important with boys who will quickly grow larger than mom.

Part 01: So You Want to be Successful?

 The term "success" can have varying meanings depending on who you are asking.  When it comes to raising children, many parents (even some Christian parents) will state that they were "successful" because their children are well educated and making a lot of money...but when results are examined, their children are (at best) lukewarm Christians or they are not even pretending to be faithful.  This should bring to remembrance the words of Christ: "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?" (Matthew 16:26 ESV).  If our children have obtained their advanced degrees and earned lots of money and notoriety, but they've accepted the so-called morality of the world, then we have failed as parents...we've traded the souls of our children for glitter of the futile world.  

All too many Christians allow their children's minds to be molded by the ungodly...think of the ratios: How many hours do children spend in the presence of non-Christians each week who have control over their thinking? "But," some Christians argue, "we never miss church services or Bible class!" What is the ratio of Bible class time to secular "education" time? This should be a sobering observation for Christian parents.  

The Apostle Paul instructed that older Christian men and women are to teach the younger generations in Titus 2:1-10, and for the purpose of godly conduct and salvation (Titus 2:11-15).  A few years ago, I asked a number of godly, Christian parents who have been successful in raising a godly family, to help fulfill Paul's command in Titus 2.  The following is part of that advice, and over the next few "articles" more will be presented...if we are to be successful as Christians and especially as Christian parents, then we need to be wise and discerning about who we allow to have influence over our minds and over the minds of our children.  An underlying concept of Titus 2 is not only that godly principles are to be taught by the older generations, but that they are to be both learned and applied by the younger! 

With that in mind, please listen to the advice of godly parents without making the common excuse of "but that doesn't fit MY situation"...yes, the advice WILL work, regardless of particular circumstances.

---------------------------------------------

"If parents are not finding joy and purpose in living a life of sacrificial service, the children likely won’t grow up to do that either.  If the parents are not taking steps of faith that leave them dangling with no support except for that given by God, the children likely won’t grow up to do that either.  If the parents are not discussing the gospel with their neighbors, the children likely won’t grow up to do that either.  If the parents are not picking up their cross daily and following Christ, the outcome for the children will likely be one of these three cases:

 

•      Best case: the children decide the parents are a bad example, and they choose to seek Christ according to the Bible.  Praise God! But the children rarely do this.
•       Possible case: the children follow their parents’ bad example; they attend worship services mostly, but they produce little fruit for the kingdom.
•      Worse case: the children recognize the truth, that their parents’ faith is only skin-deep, and they conclude that following Christ is just a show, not a completely changed life.  After all, they have not seen any changes in the life of their parents.  The children will then decide that spiritual involvement is really just hypocrisy, and they will turn away from it with a disdain that prevents them from ever returning.

 

Unfortunately, in our current culture, the third case is becoming more and more common.  Secular influences have said “religion is for hypocrites” for many years, and when our children see their parents prove the saying to be true, our children believe it, too.  And really, who can blame them? We are fond of saying that our children leave the Lord because of liberal professors at college.  Would that it were true.  All too often, the sad fact is that our children were gone long before they left for college.  In college, they just stopped attending worship services because there was nobody around for whom they need to put on the show.

So what are godly parents to do? How can they raise children who become godly adults? Yes, teach them.  Yes, train them.  But yes, be an example for them in the way you serve God.  Take big risks for God.  Go out on that limb where only God can help you.  Pray bold prayers.  Share the gospel like it really is a life and death matter, for it is.  Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and rely on God to provide what you need, no matter how scary that may be.  Fill your home with verbal praise for God.

 

Do all of that whether you have children or not.  But if you have children, and you want them to learn from your example, then invite your children into your life of faith.  Involve them in it.  Explain why you are doing what you are doing for the kingdom.  Show them in the Bible why you are doing it this way.  Let them hear you entreat God to fulfill the promise you have found in Scripture.  Let them see a faith that costs you something, such as hobbies, pleasures, money, sleep, sweat, and health.  If you invite them into your life of real, vibrant, faith, they will learn how to have that same faith.  And they will learn how to invite your grand-children into that same life of real, vibrant, faith that they learned from you.  What a blessing that will be!"